Open Your Heart

“Write what you feel”, I’ve heard or read that somewhere before. When creating this blog I had every intention of writing/publishing a post once a week. Well, I’ve already fallen behind. For the past two weeks I’ve been dealing with a broken heart, still am. Well, doing my best to pick up the pieces and put them together. It’s never easy, especially during the holidays when living on the other side of the world. Thank goodness for friends, my extended family.

During the past two weeks, I’ve experienced some unpleasant emotions: sadness, desperation, anger, regret, loneliness… Sadness, because the person I fell in love with didn’t want to make the effort, no longer wanted me, and is afraid of emotional intimacy…rejected. Desperation, because I sent messages asking for answers to questions which hurt even more, he put himself back on the market and started looking before the breakup. Anger and regret, because I allowed myself to fall in love, again. As a young girl I was such a naive person, thinking people would be honest and respectful. Hmm, guess I’m still that naive girl, silly me. Loneliness, because I was trying to push everyone away. I was afraid of somehow pulling my friends into this pool of sadness in which I was dwelling.

That’s not who I am, or who I want to be. I want to believe. I want to believe that there are people out there who are honest, respectful, and not afraid to open up and love. I’m not a bitter person who will shut down by locking up my heart and throwing away the key. I will continue to love, even if it hurts. As cliché as it sounds, this pain will go away with time. How much time? I don’t know, but I look forward to that time when I can look back and smile. So this is me, doing my best to keep my heart open.

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Ustrasana (camel pose)

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